Many Futures

So it's been a while since I last updated. And there's a lot of ground to cover. So here goes.

I've started saving for the future! I enrolled in the 401(k) program at work and my last paycheck saw my first deposit. I've also opened a savings account with automatic deposits of $25 a month, plus whatever I put in myself. So yay my future. Especially since I got my first raise. So yay!

In other news, Chris is not having a great time now. I won't go into why, it's not my place. If you are curious, ask him.

KOTOR II: Rocking my socks. Thanks for letting me hang on to your Xbox, Jerod.

Also, mad kudos to Joss Whedon. I was watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There's a Dungeon Master character, and he's running a game for girl I don't recognise, Xander, and Giles. And the players go up against Trogdor the Burninator. Trogdor! The Burninator! Of Homestarrunner.com fame! How cool is that?!

burninating the peasants

The Power of the Dark Side

George Lucas, I applaude you.

Even The Return of the King did not move me in the way Episode III has. Let the nay-sayers wring their hands and mourn their lost youth and dreams. It is they who have lost sight of what Star Wars was supposed to be about. There is beauty and nostalgia in the first three movies, the Original Trilogy. But in my eyes, this movie will live on as the shining triumph of the entire saga. Five movies. Five films, each great in their own right, designed from inception to be a space opera, an epic, archetype filled saga for kids, both young and old. But now something different. The last, and, I believe, oldest piece of the story. The fall. The fall of the chosen hero. Epic and moving. Dark. Thought-provoking. I am an introvert, so perhaps not everyone reacted internally as I did. What I took from this film was a resonance and a call for self-reflection and inspection. My fortune cookie at dinner read: "You could acheive greatness in your lifetime." I have always identified with the character of Anakin Skywalker. The most powerful characters that literature can create are the fallen heroes. He fell from Grace to save his wife. How can I not identify with that mentality? It's almost scary. I could be Anakin. I fully understand his motivations, his choices. I would have done it all the same. There's a reason why the lightsabers I have are all replicas of Darth Vader's.

It's all left me feeling very, well, dark. That deep, familiar, inner darkness that has permeated my being since I reached the Age of Reason. I resisted temptation, tonight. I want you all to know that. A very...very...powerful temptation. A temptation I would have much rather given in to. Not a new one, but one nonetheless. And feel only a bitter aftertaste like bile choking up my throat for it. Aren't I supposed to feel something better, a more positive reinforcement for resisting temptation? Iustis Pius Augustus, Virgin Emporer of America. Pure. Faithful. Dark.

you were the chosen one

*cricket*

Wow. It's been a while. Just to check in, things are going right well. We settled into the new place over the space of a few...well...minutes. Even Doug and Chris, who weren't living in a state of half-moved, settled swiftly. Bailey, "our"(Chris' dog, but she's just as much mine, really) dog, settled the fastest of us all. She came in, ran around, jumped, smiled, played, and was at home. While we were still moving stuff in, of course. I think the one creature in the house that took the longest was Ebony, the cat. But even he, in his psycho-squirelliness, was settled in a few days. I still lack furniture, but my mom is coming up Monday with a goodly portion of it, so I'll have more than my bed, some boxes and a handful of milk crates for furniture. Milk crates worked wonders in the dorm room and as temporay cubicle storage in my old room as a kid. Not so much the me that's trying to establish a non-college bachelor look for myself. I love my closet. Did I mention that I have a closet? A closet! For the first time since my old house back in my junior year in high school a good, what will be, 7 years ago. Which reminds me. I'll be 23 in a week. Now, normally, 23 isn't a big deal. It's just a number of small importance between 21 and 25, when the numbers start counting by fives. But 23 puts me at an age when most people have graduated from college, or are a year or two into careers, not jobs. Right now, I have a stable job. One that I'm good at, I enjoy (most of the time at least), and pays reasonably well. There is plenty of room, and chance, for advancement and, if I wanted it, a career. Ideally, I'd have a job where my livelihood depended not on my treatment of the customer, but on the sheer strength of my work. Like, say, Hollywood stars. Many are notable assholes to the media and fans, but they get paid bajillions of dollars because people like what they do. There is at least one customer on any given day I'll just want to slug and tell off. But I like my job, and wish to keep it. But hey, the raise of awesome should be coming on the next pay check. Which is awesome because I closed out with 41 hours and 41 minutes this week. Overtime, oh yeah. I think that's it for now. Once I get the furniture and my other computer and everything up and going, I'll take some pictures of the place. I promise.

Also, my birthday is going to rock, I can tell already. I'm throwing this hellacious party, and I already know some of what I'm getting. Not because I peaked but because they asked what I wanted, and I told them. Or they've just said "I'm going to give you this." But that's cool with me.

your mind is not your own

Moved! Yay!

So we're moved in now! Most excellent! I've got my room planned out, but I need to get the furniture in my room, first. But Dad's bringing my bed tomorrow, along with some nice living room furniture. Our cable is on early! So I can sit here and update from the new living room today instead of next Tuesday. Once we get everything moved in and unpacked, I'll take some pictures and post them up for you guys to see. So very happy!

Squee!

movin' on up

...

Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side.

Update! w00t!!!1

Sorry it's been so long, folks. I've been really busy these past few days. Work, work, work. But work is looking good. Just the other day, I joked with my supervisor about getting a two-three dollar raise. He didn't laugh. He said something more along the lines of "well, we'll see." Yeah, I could do with that kind of raise. Any kind of raise will be nice, though. So work, work is good. There's been a competition of sorts in the department. Whoever sells the most service plans gets a $25 gift card. And free lunch. Yeah, free lunch! I have 55. My closest competitor has I think 27. Yes, I am awesome. I have a career ahead of me, should I choose.

Also, we move in seven days. Seven! Yay! So. Very. Excited. w00t.

The Lessons of Ethyl

I figured something out today. Completely on accident. It was actually a mistake on my part. But it worked out alright in the end. Mike's Hard Lemonade, by the by, is incredibly easy to drink a lot of fast. Tale to follow.

So since I was getting off of work fairly early in the evening, and since Holly had the day free, we decided to make a little something of the night. Willow, Quizno's salads and alcohol. I had four of the blasted Mike's Hard Lemonades in about half an hour. Because they're really easy to drink. Even a man of my size will get a buzz off of 48 oz. of malted beverage at 5.2% alcohol by volume. As I was. Started to feel a tingle in my face and hands. That's when it struck me. That's how it happened so fast, so hard. My senses were on overdrive, but I was almost completely open. No defenses. But then, I never wear the armor around Holly anyway. It was pleasant evening all around, but...not what I was hoping for. My fingers would brush her shoulder, withdraw. She certainly kept me at arm's length the whole time. Just close enough without getting close again. It felt like she was afraid of loving me. Is afraid. I think I know some of the reasons why. And once the movie was over I had to wait around a bit to sober up enough to drive safely. Straight to a bar. I'm not a binge drinker, promise. I had a grand total of one more drink, a beer, Red Oak, at Plum Krazy's. After that, waters and cokes.

I really don't want to wait three more years before the next one shows up. Of course, I'd rather not have this relationship be done, either. I hate being cut off from touch. It's cold. Lonely.

Hate it.

i want you to want me

I am the Left Hand of God

I am the Left Hand of God, Sama'liel.

If You're Just That Good

It's not being pretentious if you're really that good. Which, apparently, I am. It's an odd thing having an older, divorced, albeit not unattractive, woman tell you that you have magic hands. And then shortly after guess your age at 26-28. Bear in mind, gentle reader, that I am a month or so shy of 23. I'll take looking 4 or 5 years older. I am beginning to guess that I might be a lot better than I think I am. Just in general. I've always chalked it up to luck, this skill of my hands. But my luck isn't nearly good enough to justify the numbers any more. One or two, ok, that I could believe. But now? Just too much to be luck or coincidence any more. I am good with my hands. Who knew? Well, actually, I can think of one or two people who knew. Heh.

he's got the magic hands

oh come on. who didn't see that one coming? seriously!

Ah, Rain.

It rained today. Something I was very much thankful for. I thoroughly enjoy a very strange past time in the Spring and Summer. Whenever there's a nice shower, I take off my shoes and go stand in the rain. Let it wash over me. Wiggle my toes in the water and mud. Very theraputic. But then, contact with water usually is. Swimming, hot tubs, showers, standing in the rain. All very much the same for me. It's just unfortunate that so very few people enjoy it like I do. It's a little more fun if there's someone in the rain with you.

call on me, call me

It's a Beautiful Day

It is an absolutely gorgeous day outside today. In fact I'm coming to you live from the patio of our soon to be former apartment. Fresh air! Whee! Cold Killian's and fair weather. I feel much refreshed. And I needed to feel refreshed. And I have one more day off! And I get to get off of work early Friday and Saturday! All is most excellent! In fact, Chris, Doug, and I might just be able to get the heck out of here and into the wonderfully amazing new place a lot sooner than anticipated. Chris and Doug hatched an intriguing plan. Doug gets a personal loan to cover our moving expenses and a little extra so Doug can get his insurance and such set up for his lisence and so's he can finish buying Skywarp. Maybe all in one day! Wouldn't that be awesome? I think it would be. So yeah. We're excited.

twenty dollars or more

My Feet Are T3h Hurt

Three days. Three days in a row I have had to close when I wasn't scheduled to. Sunday, I was supposed to get off at 6:30. I got off at 7:15, closing. Yesterday, 8:00. Got out at 10:15. Because both days people called in. And yesterday I was the only person of the three scheduled to show up. And today. Ah, today. I opened, got in at 9:15. And my closer neglected to come in. Again. Only today he didn't call in. So instead of getting out at 5:45, I was out at 10:20. Twelve hours, five minutes. Man does that suck for the leg. Rah.

Is it May yet?

i just wanna make love to you

Awkward, a Definition

So Holly and I went out to grab a bite, chat a little. Not a lot. Somewhat on purpose. I figured that the first time we saw each other since we parted, it was best if I kept things light. It was a little awkward, but only because there were things I wanted to say, gestures I wanted to give that I couldn't. I did, at least, get the feeling she was glad to see me in some measure and meaning or another. However, Lani's here now. Lani...has no fondness for Holly. Which sucks. Because Lani was here when she picked me up. Yeah. Hostility, yum. And Lani gives me this look when I come in. Yay. Lani is Chris' fiance. But we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Holly and religion being the biggest. But knowing Lani, if I say something about it, things will explode and she'll cry and Chris will tear me a new one for making his wife cry. So I get to sit here and stew. And the fact that I have to sit here and listen to AIM "dling!" every time she sends and receives a message because apparently the notion of turning off the sounds is lost on her, isn't helping. Nor is the fact that my bedroom is the living room so I can't precisely go to my room for some privacy. Rah. I wish Holly felt she was welcome here. Dinner, if it can be called that, was pleasant enough. If brief. Maybe next time we'll have a little more time together. Which would be nice I think.

Self-absorbed, pretentious Jesus-Freak, indeed.

oh and i, i will survive

Yes, Still Awesome

So I'm still awesome at work. Continuing to impress the bosses I am. Which all adds up to high likelihood of a raise after my 90 day evaluation. Unfortunately, that's not going to do anything for the raising of funds to move with, but oh well. Securing my position at work is slightly more important for the long term. Though if the customers could maybe not wait until I have a truck to put up while my closer is on break to come in by the dozens, press lots of buttons, ask the same question 30 ways to receive the same answer and still not understand, and still not buy anything, that would be just awesome.

I wish I could be eating food with Holly tonight, but even if were plausible, it wouldn't be wise. What with her being sick, stressed, tired, stressed, sore from a cracked rib, and stressed, going out would be a stupid idea. I hope she gets a good night's sleep for once. She needs it. Wish I could do something to help.

Watching The Mummy Returns has reminded me of a couple of things. First, I really like Brendan Fraser's role in it. It was actually a bit of a range stretching role for him, since he usually plays naive nice guy roles in dramas or family-friendly comedies. Of course, I have a tendency to like actors with similar features to me. "See? There's a tall, semi-broad, semi-goofy nice guy! Fairly popular and not a wiry, scraggly pretty boy weirdo. The is hope for me.!" Also? Midnight blue cloth and brown leather? Still an awesome combo.

Hungry. Rah.

i'm calling it love soon

Yay Tarheels!

Wow. That was a game. Started behind, worked slowly to the lead and held it. But man. What an intense game. I've got to give it up to Villanova for closing it back up to a one point game with 1.8 seconds left. But Tarheels won. In other news, fie on NC State and Duke for losing! I was looking forward to an NCSU v. UNC game in the Elite Eight and Duke v. UNC in the Final Four. Now that would have been an awesome game.

Yep. Still so very excited about the move. Check out the floor plan here. I'm in the top left bedroom, Doug's got the study/bedroom, Chris the master bedroom. Whee.

but just don't deceive me

And we're in...over our head.

Camden Wendover. Bite our asses. $1500 to move out?! Wtf?! There's 3.5 people stuck in a 2 bedroom apartment. Bridford Lake is nicer. It's got a better pool. With a better hot tub. With a gazebo over a lake with a huge deck. And NO speedbumps. And PLENTY of parking. And why is there no parking? Because there's about 4 cars to each apartment, save ours, in our building. That's about 22 cars (including Chris' and mine) for around 12 spaces. What the frak? Which sucks because on the top of us having a heavy deposit due to our less than stellar combined credit.

Rah.

we're not gonna take it

And we're in!

Chris got a call/letter/something from Bridford Lake. We're in! Yay! We're super excited! We're not really sure what to do with ourselves, it's so awesome. How on earth are we going to make it until the 30th, though?! Yargh!

i'm movin' out

Eyes of Blue Fire

That's me as of tonight. Kinda random picture, but I've bought some hair relaxing/straightening stuff to try and tame the curl. Seems to have done a fairly decent job. Also, my eyes are a lot bluer than they really should be. Man. I never noticed how closed my right eye is. Curse that falling off my top bunk bed and splitting my eyelid open when I was five. That and the left is supposed to be the devil's side anyway. So the left eye gets to be all open and creepifying.

Also, Lenore says I should post this:

"What is sense to some, is nonsense to many. what is nonsense to many, is often the wisdom of those on High."

i'm calling it love soon

22 Down, 39 to go.

So it's looking like April 30th is the move date. Yuck. But it's still coming. Still living with the hole, but that's something I'm going to have to live with for a while. Work, of all things, is helping me. It takes my mind off things, I get to listen to music all day. My discount was active as of today. Which is cool. Also, I might be able to transfer to Computer Sales instead of working Car Audio. While I can make more money over in Computers, Car Audio is more laid back. It's something I'll have to think about.

Holly's in a tough spot. She's torn between taking a semester off or trying to keep going. Her grades are in poor shape, and she's not been entirely honest with her parents about it. Having been there, I know how much it sucks. Yes, I keep tabs on her. I don't wanna hear it. I still love her. Still haven't given up on the idea of us being together. Maybe not right now, but someday soon. Just gotta be there if she needs me.

mai ai hee, mai ai ho, mai ai hu, mai ai ha-ha

Strange Days

Today was a weird one. Work was long, as usual, though I impressed the first of several bosses by selling a number of Service Plans. I'm not entirely comfortable with suggesting them, mostly because of the high rate of rejection. But I flipped the "people are stupid, rip them off" switch and did so in quick order. I sold $130 worth of plans in about under an hour, impressing the boss and allowing me to relax on it for the rest of the day. And who would have thought that my combat boots would be more comfortable than my regular brown boot/shoes? Not me. Though instead of killing my feet, both knees, and the back, it's just my right knee. A lot. And I got out of work late today, because I was in the middle of helping a customer. But that's more time for me. Not so nice right now, but it will be nice on the next paycheck. So I get home, change, and Chris and I go grab the bite before hitting Plum Krazy's. While there, Chris relates to me that Chris' application fee, and the advantage fee were being waived, as per his veteran status. And then he tells me that my application fee was being waived. Because I work at BestBuy.

O.O

I mean, wtf? That's just awesome. Have I mentioned how awesome this job is? Oh! Further fun from work: nametags. Thursday, the store manager head honcho guy stops me as I'm walking towards the break room for a drink. My first thought: What the hell did I do so fast? Turns out, he was tired of Scott, our Operations Manager, being a slacker, and he was giving me an interim nametag. Which consisted of using an old nametag for Stefani and printing out a label with my name on it to put over it. So that's a yellow nametag with this huge whie strip across the front with my name on it. Ghe toh. But when I was checking out my drink at the Loss Prevention stand at the door, I saw a pile of Brand Spanking New (TM) "platinum" (I don't make up the color, it's what the Store Manager Head Honcho Guy called it. I call it silver.) nametags. And mine is on the top! Score! Non-Ghe Toh nametag! Only I get back to Car Audio and instead of reading "Justin J/Mobile Electronics Specialist" it reads "Justin J/Computer Specialist." While I am more knowledgable in computers than car audio, I work in Car Audio. I applied for Computer sales. Oy. Oh well. I'll take it. The tag looks better, and now I look all multi-skilled.

So we're at Plum Krazy's after the Steak n' Shake, and Even/Odds is there. They're a right rockin' band. Just a really good bar venue chemistry. And they had Guiness!! OMG!! They apparently had some left over from St. Patty's Day. But hey, score us! Normally I have a Red Oak, which is a very tasty Greensboro local brew. But Guiness is Guiness, man. And then, some ladies Chris knows seem to have become concerned over my apparent lack of a good time. I was having a good time, despite appearances. If it's me and Chris, I'm just there for a beer and some good music. Tonight was no exception, given that I was tired and my knee was (and still is) quite sore. But for Golden Earring's "Radar Love" they asked me to come out on the dance floor with them and Chris. They were nice about it, so it was cool. But it's been a really long time since I was asked to dance. Not since Michelle came up to Greensboro last summer was I asked to hit the floor. This is not to say that I do not like to dance. I enjoy dancing a good deal. I just find myself lacking anyone to dance with. The few times I have been there with a girl, I have danced. Tonight all that was in me was the one, sadly.

Other than that, I am going to hell. Not immediately. Around the beginning of October. Won't be because I started something, rather that I finished it. Chris knows what I'm talking about. If you are curious, well, I'm not going to just spill the beans here for everyone to see. Feel free to ask, though.

and the wheel goes round and round