Sunday, April 30, 2006

Head Splitter

So I think I just experienced my first migraine headache today. Or maybe it was just the mother of all headaches. Woke up and dragged myself into work. I wasn't in pain yet, but I remember waking up and thinking 'Man. I got a bad feeling about today. Maybe I should just call in.' But I'm trying to be Good Little Work Ethic Boy. So I went in at 10 like I was supposed to. Then it hit me. Around 10:30. Felt like someone had wrapped piano wire around my head and was tightening it. On top of the stabbing pain all up and down the left side of my face. I was finally able to track down some ibuprofen around 1PM. And it was about 1:30 before the mind-numbing pain turned to a dull throb. I was able to go home a couple of hours early because Steven came in from working the Furniture Market for a little while. And I promptly slept for four hours. Woke up feeling much better, though occassionally the dull throb returned for a few minutes throughout the evening. Whee. But I survived. I've had worse headaches, but those were combined with ear infections and high grade fevers. Certainly made work unpleasant. And man. My neck and shoulders. I need a massage. Any volunteers?

she named me Dale Darrell Waltrip Richard Petty Rusty Austin Bill Irving Gordon Earnhardt Smith Johnson, Jr.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Boom. That is all.

Find your Celestial Choir

Ugh. More of the Tired.

This week at work has been utterly craptastic.

Sunday - Day off. Not on the schedule. Still have to come in at 8 bloody AM for a freakin' meeting. And Renny still gives me crap about not being in uniform. Rah.

Monday - Closing essentially by myself because the person who is supposedly closing with me feels the need to go work the computer sales floor leaving me the sole CIA in the precinct.

Tuesday - See Monday.

Wednesday - I had to spend half my day working in Car Audio. Because, apparently, no one else in the ENTIRE GORRAM STORE knows a GORRAM thing about Car Audio but me and their closer called out. God forbid they try to get someone to come in and cover the shift. Instead a collection of managers and the girl who opened decided, in committee, to send me over there. One of the managers was Renny. The Geek Squad supervisor of Stupid. He knows that sending me out there is going to make the precinct short-handed. Does he care? Does anyone who is making the decision without even asking if I want to go out there? Hell no. Why would they? There is a small silver lining to all this. I closed with Adam. Which means we got a whole lot done, even with me being gone half my shift. Also, working with Adam means talking to Adam. Talking to Adam leads to the mention that, get this, my Geek Squad Senior training (so as to replace Adam when he leaves) starts Saturday.

Oh yeah. Imminent promotion and raise. But I'm still worn out. Blah.

I started taking a multivitamin today. I still need to eat better, but this will help keep the nutrition there. We'll see if this has any effect on my being in a few days after it's really hit my system. I'll certainly be pleased if it helps me feel less worn out all the time.

do you -you!- feel like we do?

Saturday, April 22, 2006

New Toys

So my old Chieftec power supply was getting, well, old. And I needed a new mouse. So today after clocking out I went and took a look at what we had to offer in price for a new power supply. The old box was a 2-80mm fan 430W PSU. All told, a really good power supply, especially after I replaced the crap fans that came with it. But my box has grown beyond the scope of efficiency with the power supply I had. Enter the Antec Neo HE550. 550 watts of power. MODULAR design, which means I don't have a bunch of power cords I don't need that I have to tuck away somewhere. There are many benefits to this power supply.

1) The modular design means there's less crap stuffed in my case, so there's more air-flow, which helps keep the temperature down and increases the efficiency of my machine.

2) More wattage. Power supplies work best at around 60-80% load. More efficiency, less power needed. Also, this is a higher efficiency model, so it produces less heat AND runs more quietly than my old unit.

3) Getting the unit meant I had to unplug everything in my rat's nest of a PC. So I went with that all the way and took out everything, motherboard included, and blew out the whole case, clearing out all the dust. Then I rearranged all the cords to tidy things up and help the flow of air.

All told, I think Skywarp's pretty pleased with the arrangement. And my mouse is pretty rockin', too. Supposed to last 6 months on 2 AA batteries. We'll see if that holds true. But my old mouse I was pretty happy with when it lasted a few weeks before the need to switch, especially with the rechargable batteries. But hey, 6 months is 6 months. And it came with a pair of Energizers, so it frees up ALL of my rechargables for other things.

In money news, comfort is mine! The employee stock purchase program has netted me an extra $700 or so, which should be arriving my way sometime next week. I need to do something productive with the money, but I don't know what, yet. But if nothing else, this check has guaranteed my trip to OKRF in late May. Huzzah!

love and darkness and my sidearm

Friday, April 21, 2006

Wireless Optical Mouse the First, RIP

Let us all observe a moment of silence for my wireless optical mouse. It is dying and serious fast. Annoying, but timely, actually. I've only had the thing for about three years, so really, it was about time. Most real mice only live this long. And this is older optical and wireless tech. Weaker, flimsier. It has served me well, but even after disassembling and cleaning the unit it's still not working right. But I get paid in a few minutes AND I work tomorrow, so I can get a new mouse to replace. I still like wireless and optical, so that won't change. T'was a good mouse, English.

i alone tempt you

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tired. Is it the Weekend Yet?

Gads, am I tired. Don't got to church for so very long, and then BAM! Sunrise service AND the regular service. Like, holy cow or something. Then, of course, I get home and stay up into the wee hours and get up and open on Monday. Then I'm up till 6 this morning, two hour nap and open again. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to my midshift tomorrow. Noon thirty. Oh yeah. Sleep is good.

Easter candy is also good, but very bad for me. I need to be rid of it swiftly so I can get back to trying to eat better.

Oh! And I bought the new (well, not-so-new, but new to me) Franz Ferdinand album. It is good stuff as was the last one.

you could have it so much better

Thursday, April 13, 2006

A Fear of Dreams

I'm dreaming again. Real honest to God dreams. Not the prophetic images of the mundane future, no Signposts. Just...dreams. Which might explain my seeming abject refusal to sleep. I don't like these dreams. They're to potent. Hopeful. And ultimately painful. Oh sure, while I'm in them, I'm taken back to a less...complicated...time. Old wants played forth in a fairy tale world. And I smile. Just in time for it to whisk away in a cloud and I am left alone and bitter, a slight taste of bile in the back of my throat. I thought I left these dreams in my old hometown. I could have sworn that I had finally accepted the reality of things. I'd really much rather my subconscious, which was so laborious in it's attempts to remind me of reality when I believed in these dreams, would pick a story and stick to it. I don't need or want these dreams anymore. It's hard enough living my life without the added weight of hoping for the impossible. My heart's just not strong enough these days. I'm too set in my ways, too aware of the truth, and too afraid to defy it. But who could I tell these dreams to? Who would understand? Most would scoff, and tell me I'm a fool for these dreams. Well meaning, yes, but I know the fool better than anyone. And I don't ask for the dreams. Or better yet, let me tell her about them so I can pick at the wounds that are just starting to heal. Yeah, you know, the ones I made? Yes, that'd be brilliant. Oh! Or better yet! Allow myself to fall into hypocrisy! "Hey, yeah, just wanted to call after not calling you for months because you never return phone messages to anyone, really, to say I've been having dreams about you again!" And immediately, I become that creepy, awkward 17 year old wuss-monger I used to be in High School. Yeah. That's a brilliant plan. It all is.

See?! THIS is why I hate these dreams. Make me think a bunch of really stupid crap. Hate it.

there must be an angel...

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over.

Right. Weather. WTF, mate? Sunday April 9th, 2006. Forecasted high: 61. Forecasted low: 34. The hell?!?!

you're as cold as ice

Friday, April 07, 2006

Weekend Update

Um...yeah. Quiet here. Rayne's moved in and starting to settle. All with no drama, thank the Lord. I've today off, which I promptly wasted away in sleep and laying out by the pool for the most part, whee. Now that it's warming up into spring, I'm ready for it to be warm enough to swim. That's really all I've got right now.

Wait, there's a little more. Yes, I'm fine. No, I don't want to talk about it. My previous entry was a public message on a private matter intended for one person as a public admission of wrong doing. They know who they are. There's no need for me to go on about it, so stop asking.

if i ever lose my faith in you, there'd be nothing left for me to do

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


I'm sorry. Those are weak and overused words. Their power faded through abuse after abuse. I was supposed to be better than that. I really thought I was. I didn't know, I didn't realize until it was too late. I was so convinced that what I was doing was for the best. And then you showed it to me. That little trinket. And I realized, oh how I was struck by exactly how wrong I was. I commited a grievous sin, and I, of all people, didn't even know what I had done until after the blow was struck. Trust, shattered. A priceless friendship left in tatters because I didn't stop to think. I had forgotten. I took for granted. I became something I had always despised. Thoughtless. Callous. Calculating. The English language, I daresay any language lacks words with enough power, with enough resonance to convey the absolute horror I feel for what I have done.

And all this is just empty words in the face of what I have done. I wish to God I could take back what I did. And I lay myself before you, begging for a forgiveness I don't deserve. What else can I do?

I am so very sorry.

Monday, April 03, 2006


When typing, I'm usually an excellent speller; swift, too. However there are two exceptions to this case. The first is if I've had a little (or not so little) to drink. Then it doesn't flow outward as it should so much as stumble, requiring a lot more focus. The other case is if I've hit a Flow. That's where my brain is plowing forth a lot of ideas all at once at a rate my fingers cannot keep up with. It was one of these Zone Flow moments that I was, for an hour or more, unable to spell the word "warm." All the time it was instead "wamr." Anyone I was talking to didn't notice because I have a very swift backspace and edit skill. But and still. Wamr.

So it was warm today. (I'm still going to use wamr somewhere. As the name of some ancient hero or villian or relic or something. Sounds so very Norsey.) So very pleasant outside it was. I wasn't able to make it down to Salisbury today to see my sister and all associated family members because my brother's car got all broke on him today. Which sucks. but I was able to get a whoooole lot of crap done today. Cleaned the hell out of the bathroom today. Which is, by the way, my least favorite chore EVAR. When I say cleaned, I mean effin' cleaned. Scoured the tub, scoured the toilet, swept the floor, cleaned the rugs. Bloody mopped. The reason? Well, aside from needing it, Rayne's coming in Tuesday. And having two days off in a row, praise Jesus, I decided that today would be a work day. So I did. And the bathroom looks really good. For the next week. Sigh. But I was up as early as I was in anticipation of my brother's arrival so I was able to clean later in the afternoon after hanging out at the pool for a coupla hours. Not in the pool, mind you. 80 degrees outside or not, it was some cold ass water. That and all the goose poo. Seems the Canadian Geese that frequent the lake in the middle of Bridford Lake decided it would be a good idea to build nest aaaaaallll around the pool. There's like five geese nests around. And one, dumb goose, built in the landscaping around the pool RIGHT NEXT to the door to the girl's bathroom outside. Dumb. Ass. Goose. And because, apparently, the three dozen geese at our complex alone are still an endangered farging species, there's no tossing out of goose nests. Argh. Which means we can't use the pool for several weeks until the eggs hatch and they can have the geese chaser man or whatever come out and get the geese out from around the pool. But. That just means that the pool will have a chance to warm up a little first. And the complex has the part on order to fix the hot tub. Just in time for the punk ass kids to treat it as a heated jumping hole. And the dumb ass college kids on the North Bank to put soap bubbles in it and break it within a month. Yay. But they're still getting it fixed. And the gates. Which have been busted for months. But then, we've got a bunch of ignorant frellers living here that like to ram the gates open or try to follow behind in long lines and have the gate crash into their cars and get stuck open. I hate stupid people. Ramble. And I just got in from a drink and smoke. And Chris bought a bottle of Old Stone Vineyard for me for just this occasion. For those who don't know, Old Stone Vineyard is a vineyard local to the Salisbury area that has a store not half a mile from my mom's house. They make muscadine wine, which is a little sweeter than regular grape wine. But it's oh so good. Yum. And to top it all off, a thunderstorm is moving in. It's been a pretty awesome day.

Also? Girls. Still confusing. Just putting that out there.

EDIT: I also did some writing today. In a journal I've got. Paper journal. I'm old fashioned in that, I guess. I always write better on paper first when it comes to prose or verse. Blog entries are a little different. But it felt good to get back to The World That Is.

it's coming down, it's coming down

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Tehanu, Writer's Itch

So I finally broke down and read Tehanu over the last two days. It's been so long since I've read something new! My mind must have been starving, given how swiftly it gorged itself upon the new text. This has had an unfortunate side effect, however. I've now got an itch to write something again, but I don't know what. So many ideas that are started and unfinished. *sigh* There are two significant stories that deserve to be finished. And one old, old story that maybe I should finally write. I'll let you guys in on the basic ideas.

The basis of this story is the legos my brother, Hugh, and I used to play with many many years ago. Ten, maybe 12 years. Almost a lifetime ago, it feels. But the world we created was inspired by the Steampunk fantasy elements of Final Fantasy VI(III). The main character is a young man named Falcon. Your stereotypical rural-raised orphan type with a stereotypical independent streak and a stereotypical mystic heredity. I've always appreciated cliches and well-known plot devices. But he escapes into a wood full of "savage brigands" from his over-bearing and rather malicious "aunt." These brigands turn out to be nice guys, a la Robin Hood, but brigands nonetheless. And so he is raised a brigand. He grows up tall and strong with an unexplainable noble air that inspires people to follow him. The brigand's leader is aging and gives the boy more and more responsibility, which he lives up to magnificently. Then comes the "Kill the Mentor" scene. The Prince's Men come into the wood in force, to rout out the brigands. Many die, including the old Brigand captain. But in his dying moments, he lets Falcon in on a secret: the location of his old airship, the Raven. Back when the Brigand Captain Leader Type was young he was a Sky Pirate, raiding this and that as he saw fit. The skies in those days was filled with airships and dragons and swashbuckling glory, etc, etc. So Falcon and his few remaining friends take to the skies! Pirating and harassing the king's men, but always with his noble air and sense of justice. Before long he is hailed by the lower classes as the Bandit Prince.

Here we zoom out from our hero into the world at large. There are three main kingdoms (whose names I have used and reused and overused over and over again): Hyla, the Dragearean Empire, and Falconia. It is a time of decline, a dark age. Hyla was once a great and bright kingdom, full of justice and peace, enlightenment. But the Old Kings have long faded from power, replaced instead by the Crown Princes. The rules and traditions of the land, and ancient magics, prevent the Princes from rightfully claiming the crown. This denial of the true rule of the kingdom drives the Princes to be cruel, each moreso than the father that sired him. Enter Princess Aila and her twin brother Ailen. Ailen is cruel and cold like his father, and his father, blah, blah, blah. Aila is fair and wise and kind. And is locked away in her tower. Which is still plushly accomodated, well tended. Because he's cruel and cold, but not stupid. Aila has power he does not. The power of the Old Kings to wield magic. So he dare not move openly against her. He allows her out into the world, but always with a thick guard of his most trusted me, for her "protection". It is in one of these forays into the world at large that her troupe is attacked by a suddenly descending airship. She, wisely, remains calm, while her guards do not. They are quickly gunned down by the rifles and bows of the crew. Falcon recognizes something powerful in her and in a dramatic gesture, sweeps her up into the ship, no doubt right before truly powerful reinforcements arrive. The crew is typically ragtag, with each member having a particular quirk or another. Falcon is the captiain of the Raven. His first mate is his fast friend and part-time rival since being found in the woods, and an excellent marksman with any ranged weapon, though he favors the bow. There is one who is a sort of mercenary/wandering swordsman. He's in it for money, sure, but his heart is true and he stays on the crew even when the money isn't there. He's also a good pilot for the ship. There's a mage on board, too. His primary skills are in woodland and nature based spells, imagine, but he knows more magic than he lets on. The ship isn't in the air long, because the crystal that powers the ship is old and weak, shatters, trek to find. There's also an old man in the crew. If the Bandit Captain was like a father to Falcon, the old man was like a crazy uncle. He's ancient, but has the best eyes in the crew, and spends most of his time singing old pirate songs up in his perch atop the mainmast.

Somewhere along the way, the find Falcon's true father, the Archduke of Falconia. And old grizzled stone of a man. Falconia is little more than a shadow anymore, decimated by a costly war waged against the Empire. There is no king in Falconia, no royal line, anymore. Only closed off and huddled baronies with large open wildernesses that are haven to true brigands and cut-throats and, you guessed it, Sky Pirates. The Archduke has been wandering all over the wide world, fighting for whomever can afford him, just fighting. Outcast and exiled from his former land and power by the war he thought so necessary, though even he forgets the reason why. Cool, collected, powerful, skilled, and badass. He's even missing an eye. Hardcore, yo.

There are legendary swords and prophecies involved. And a climatic battle with an ancient and evil Great Dragon summoned byAilen to finally rid himself of Aila and Falcon.

Of course, it's all jumbled in my brain. But these ideas are over half my life old. I think that tamed the itch enough for my to finally sleep at least.

pour your misery down on me