Friday, December 29, 2006


Harry Potter Meme of All Memes by Osaku
WandPine, 9", Unicorn Hair
Best CourseDefense Against the Dark Arts
Worst CoursePotions
PetEastern Screech-Owl
Quidditch JobMediwizard
Wizard CandyChocolate Frogs
Profession After SchoolCursebreaker

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Christmas Report!

So Christmas has come and gone again. And this one passed quietly, with little noise, but lots of warmth and love. I like incident free holidays. Today was the antithesis of this past Thanksgiving. I just hate I won't be able to make to Bristol. And the only thing that would have made today even better was having someone to share it with, but...nothing for that right now. Next year? Like a bandit, I came out. I got a whole lot more than I thought I would. Which I don't necessarily have a problem with. But that's not the point. I would have been perfectly happy with less than I got, but I got what I got, and that's a lot. Rhyme, done. I got the Viking Lego Fortress. Holy crap! Primus, a bundle of very nice clothes, dark chocolate by the truckload, and the chocolate covered coffee beans. And other cash and prizes! But the best thing of the whole day was the ENTIRELY drama free family gatherings. And that means the family time was fantastic, and that's always good.

right. so. some song lyrics here.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

Well, it's officially Christmas. And there's a lot I could say, but I'm at my mom's. So I'll probably post something later. For now? I just wanna say Merry Christmas to each and every one of you out there. I miss some of you very much, and I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you.
But Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, and I don't doubt it will be. So I'm off to bed.

and God bless us, everyone

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ugh. Tired.

Behold, my undying hatred of working retail during the holiday season. Behold! My unquenchable loathing of "Holiday Hours." I've been having to get up really damn early all week this week and it's wearing me the heck out. And holidays are supposed to be days of rest and feast and prayer! And I've been doing only one of those lately. And I can tell you now I've been eating light (of neccessity) and sleep is a joke. But I haven't killed anyone yet, so the prayers, at least, are working. Holiday hours. Pah! Our store doesn't even need to be open late. It's dead in there after 9PM, even on the weekends. Let me sleep! Stop making me come in at 7:15! Hate!

never gonna get it

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Saturday Lunch, Revisited

Not in a gross "I just saw what I ate for lunch in the toilet" scenario, though. Yesterday, Chris, Doug, and I went out to Olive Garden for lunch; the unlimited Soup, Salad, Breadsticks thing they do. It was fabulous as always (and healthy). I mention it in specific because we had an interesting waitress. There had been at least tow, probably three, large groups of families celebrating A&T's December graduation and as a result our waitress seemed a bit tired when she first came out, but she was attentive, and all three of us sympathize with people who have to wait tables for a living. It didn't hurt that she was cute. As lunch went on, we discovered that she had a rather witty and dry sense of humor that was readily appreciated by the whole lot of us, especially me. Y'know, since I tend to be a dry-as-toast sarcastic ass. A lot. But I really do think we made her day a little better. Because we shared in the sense of humor the whole time we were there. As we were getting up to go, she almost said Merry Christmas, but stopped short because she was not allowed to say it. So the three of us immediately and loudly wished her the merriest Christmas possible. Several times. And we stepped out to get my hairs cut, then had to turn around because I forgot my hat. This is where it gets most notable. I pop in, and the table we were at was already seated and my hat was nowhere to be found. Luckily, I spotted Hilary (our waitress. Observational awareness; I spotted her name tag and remembered her name from the beginning.) and asked if she'd seen the hat. She ran off to ask her busser, and she came back looking somewhat forlorn, her eyes cast down. Ah, I thought, she found the hat and is pretending something bad happened to it. Is she flirting with me? She said, "Unfortunately there's been a terrible's your hat." Which was just fine. And I was right about the pretending. Ah, people. "Transformers, right? Excited about the movie?" Gaspa! And we had a brief discussion about the awesomeness of a Transformers live-action movie and the probable problems of Michael Bay directing it. I was taken aback that she would know anything about Transformers. There are a few possibilities. She has brothers/guy friends who are geeks. She has a boyfriend that is a geek. She, herself, is a geek. I have no problem with the first, and the third would be awesome, expecially if there was no boyfriend. Because geek girls are hard to find sometimes, and cute ones even harder.

Maybe I should go back to Olive Garden sometime soon. Hmmm.

Also? I got a haircut. Yay.

when I saw her standin' there

Saturday, December 16, 2006

God, what a WEIRD night.

Right. So today was a bit of an odd duck. I had to go in at 10 this morning for work. But despite the ungodly hour at which I had to get up (shut up, I don't do mornings) it was a good day at work. The XM rep came in and, for no real reason that I could determine, handed me a Starbucks gift card of undetermined (I'm guessing like $5, but still) amount. Whaaaaaa? I was able to get away with wearing my comfortable (read: not black or brown) running shoes today, so my right leg was much better off. And it only took me five minutes to get home. During rush hour traffic. On a Friday. On the weekend before Christmas. How'd that happen? So I get home, I chill for a few minutes, then hop in the shower to get ready for Chris' gig at Plum Krazy's. Once again, I got to pretend like I knew what I was doing and play Sound Guy for the night. It's fun, and I'm going to be there anyway. It's cool how I've been kinda adopted into a "Guest Star" role in the band. Kinda neat, really. But right before they start for the night, Lenny, the kinda head of the band, drops a Jack and coke down in front of me. Free booze! This was most unexpected. I guess I must be doing a pretty good job. At the end of the gigs I've helped with, the band has tossed a little stipend my way. Not a whole lot, but it's always enough to cover my bartab, so it's cool, but never the buying of drinks! Susie, Heather, and Wes all show up. And normally that's a good time for everyone. But that's when it got weird. Wes, being Wes, was Wes all over Heather and Susie. Which, personally, is a little irritating. It's usually tolerable, but tonight the necking was being done nigh on top of me. Which makes for the slightly awkward. And by slightly I mean the opposite. Sarcasm and all. And this started at the BEGINNING of the night. And went on until AFTER the band had stopped. Of course, I had thought Susie was still seeing what's-his-face. Maybe not? Hard to keep up. (Why Justin, is that jealousy I hear? Yeah, maybe, what of it? I'm right fond of Susie, but last I heard she was with someone. Some mistakes do not bear repeating. Already struck out there once. ANd now we're moving on.) Eventually, I was able to be distracted from the...whatever...that was going on beside me when one of the Pixie Twins (these absolutely adorable little blond girls that work at PK's) showed up wearing knee high furry boots, a black sweatshirt, a pink santa hat, and a pair of pink boy-shorts shilling jello shooters. You will not I did not mention what kind of pants she was wearing. Which would be because she wasn't. She had some very nice legs. But even that was trumped a little later, though still eye catching. One of Susie and Heather's friends, Caitie(I think? I recognized her, but had only met her once) showed up. And I have to say, again, that I'm attracted to this one. Where the other two were displaying much flesh, she was a little more covered. Even if the jeans were painted on, with her knee high black boots also painted on. She had a much more reserved air about her that I like. It definitely didn't hurt that she's got an amazing smile and gorgeous eyes. But, alas, I was at the sound board and unable to engage her in any conversation or dance. Ah, well. But anyway, Friday nights are weird nights for gigs as it is. People (and the band) are tired from a day's work already. There is a higher concentration of drunk assholes and retards (had to save Susie at least once) and people tend to leave early. So the last set saw the place almost empty, save the Hardcore AKA Fans. But it ends well, and they guys sounded great (thank you, thank you). And as I'm waiting to pay off my tab, Lenny hands me another Jack and coke. Whaaaa? Oh well, cheers, mate! And to top it all off, the guys tossed in a little more my way than usual. I must be doing something right. Soooooooooo...yeah. Weird night. Weird night.

Tomorrow, laundry and a haircut. I've gone six months growing my hair out. It looks good. I do actually like the look I have, with the pseudo-jawline-beardlet and the longer curly-shag but clean and groomed hair. But as much as I like it, I think I'm done with it. While I don't look bad with it long, like with bright colors, I just don't think it fits how I see myself. This time I think I'll stick with the short hair. It's more me.


Friday, December 08, 2006

Doing Fine, Really

I appreciate everyone's kind words in response to my last blog. Really, I wasn't nearly as whiny blue as my post sounded. But it was stuck in my head, it was 3 in the morning and I just needed to get it out. That's what this space is for, really. Well, at least partially, anyway. Sometimes I get to feelin' like the crap and I write it out. In truth, I felt almost immediately better just getting out of my head and "on paper" so to speak. Things have returned to a more or less modicum of not too bad. I still dread going in to work everyday, and I think I've figured out the main reason. Sure, I can complain about the management, but that'll be found everywhere I work. And, admittedly, I don't have the ideal, ah, personality for retail. I'm a malcontent. It happens. But the main thing, I think, is that I'm not growing. I'm not learning. I realized this when I was explaining to one of the new guys why I left Geek Squad. I left because I wasn't learning anything. I wasn't gaining any new skill, I wasn't growing. Stagnation is bad. And that's what I'm dealing with. I'm not being challenged in any way, so it's hard to pay attention, focus on the job. It's hard to find anything to enjoy. Today wasn't as bad as some other days, though. I was able to teach some people some of the basics of some of the stuff. And it was nice to actually see the people get what I was telling them. (Maybe I should be a teacher.) I've also been pondering the idea of going back to school. Even if it was just a class or two a semester at first. The only thing is, I don't know what I want to study! I webcomic (of all things!) has stirred up the old physics bug in me. But I also want to study history, specifically European history from the Roman Empire to the 17th Century. But I'm also interested in math theory and calculus. Or maybe linguistics. Literature? Information technology, computer science, engineering. This is part of the problem of me. I learn really fast. I love learning in general. And I'm good at jsut about all things equally. Be it mathematical/logical, or verbal or artisitic. I take to languages very easily (I slept through two years of French and pulled an A 7 out of 8 quarters), I grasp complex scientific and mathematic theories and concepts with very little study, I have a knack for grammar and spelling and I've got a very strong foundation in writing prose, verse, and essay. What do I study? How can I bring any of that in to focus on anything? Is there an Everything Ever major? Do I take a physics class or two one semester, then some history and so forth, just doing "themed" semesters until the end of my days? Ack!I just don't know! Of course, it's all kinda moot until I can find something that pays a little better so I can afford to actually take the classes. And after the holidays I plan to do some serious searching. I like Best Buy. I used to like working there. Maybe I can connect with one of my superiors and see what my options are, see if I can't force something that will allow me to grow and be challenged, that will allow me to learn. We'll see. But I'm hopeful. Eeeeeever hopeful.

For now? I'm going to read Eragon and The Eldest all in a bundle. Most likely in only about 3 or 4 sittings. Being a voracious reader and all.

I command your very souls you unbelievers

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Not so much.

Well. 3AM and insomnia strikes again. And what keeps me awake tonight, Pinky? The same thing that keeps me up any night, really: a general dissatisfaction with my life. Which is as simple and complicated as it sounds. I'm not happy, so I don't sleep well. Which means I sleep later when I finally do get to sleep. Which means I'm more awake when I should be asleep, then stay up later because of get the idea. I miss having someone to talk to this late at night. I had that. For a while. It made it easier. I was still an insomniac, and things weren't as good as they could have been, but there was someone there. Someone who loved me, and I loved them. And miss her. Loneliness is part of the problem. I don't get over love very easily. It's been, what, six, seven months now? Longer, if you look at the signs. But if felt so good to be with someone who wanted me, loved me. Didn't want me to try and be something else. Someone who actually desired me, lumps and all. And it was the same for me with her. We fit. We didn't need to mold ourselves into anything just sit there and click. That's the big problem, I guess. There are other more material things, and those will take time and money to fix. And since I have less money, it'll take more time. I want to have that stuff all squared away by my 25th birthday, which I think is a very attainable goal. And while having the material things squared away will make the immaterial (and more important) things a little easier to fit, they, ultimately, mean only so much. Friday was a really good day. Friends and family having a freat time. But with Chris and Lani being off in honeymoonland, I've noticed how depressingly much I've come to rely on Chris for the socializing. It's been just Doug and me around here and, well, nothing's been going on. I've seen Doug, the pets, the TV and my computer. Excitement. It would fantastic to have Something Else to do. Someone I could call over to hang out (if the apartment didn't look like crap. I need to be less lazy), or to go out and visit or something. But of course, my case is not helped by the fact that I seem to have, just like high school, found myself surrounded by many amazing and beautiful women who have little interest in me other than friendship and/or are very happy in their current relationship. Go me. I realize I have some somewhat strict criteria. But I have a reason for that. I'm not looking for just a good time. I don't have interest in flings or one night stands. It's not about sex, it's about everything. Which isn't to say I've become some asexual being (God, no) but it's not about just getting some. If that's all I wanted, I wouldn't be writing this pile of emo. They have to at least "get" the ren-faire, if not love it. Participant is nice, since that's something we can do together, but playtron will work, too, since that means they have a love of it. An appreciation of sci-fi, fantasy, and anime would be nice. It'd be awesome if she could get into Warhammer or RPG's of some kind, but it's not a requirement. I prefer more modest attire most of the time, but I like a girl who knows how to dress enticing when the occasion arises. I like spontaneity, but not for its own sake. I like traditional gender roles. So sue me. I like it if a girl can cook and clean. No, I'm not asking you to do it for me. I prefer to do my own laundry and I like to cook. But sometimes domestic habits are good. An artistic talent would be nice; dancing, drawing, singing, painting, playing an instrument. Being around creativity inspires it from me. And I don't exercise that part of my brain enough. She should love trees and flowers and animals and mountains and beaches. I'm an earthy kinda guy. I live in a city, yes, but a very green one. I grew up around trees and yards and such. You'll note I haven't listed much, if anything, about physical appearance. I won't try to lie and say looks don't matter. Because that's bullshit. But what I find attractive, not everyone else will. I also don't have a "type" I like more than any other. I've been attracted to (and, lo, even dated some of these) tall girls, short girls, slender and curvy, short hair, long hair, blonde, redhead, brunette, (even one noted case where she was starting to grey), younger girls, older girls, blue and green and brown and grey eyes, and any of the races of man. That said, I don't find unhealthy to be attractive. Both the thin and the fat. Does that make me shallow? Maybe. But it's not sexist either. I'm not asking a girl to conform to any kind of sterotypical model. But then, a lot of women might call me a chauvinist for my views on gender roles, too. Whatever. I'm not looking to be with a woman like that anyway, so it's a rather moot point to this diatribe.

Where was I?

Oh right. My life sucking and how I was going to listen to Hawthorne Heights and cut myself.

Also: I'm too damn moody. What, am I fourteen again? What the hell? I was doing just dandy Friday and riding the buzz from that all day Saturday. Then on Sunday I felt not so awesome. And I worked Sunday. Coincidence? Maybe. But can you take that chance? Bleh. Just bleh. I wrote, so I feel better. But I really wish I could have whined all this out to someone instead of just vomiting it out here for everyone to see. And I shall promptly copy this pathetic cry for attention on my other blog type spaces. Because I'm a jackass.

And so I think I'll close with an open letter prayer and let you guys get back to not listening to a grown man whimper about.


For Christmas I would like Something Great back in my life. I'd ask for it from Santa, but that seems an unlikely thing to get from him. I've not been all that great this year, but I'm trying. I'm doing my best to repent for the things I've done, but I'm having a hard time. I want to be happier than I am. Being happier would make being better easier. And other modified comparative words. I've never been good at this asking for help thing. But I think I've gone as far as I can with this. I've had different Great Somethings in my life before, at various stages, but I always seem to screw it up somehow. I can't promise I won't screw it up again, but I'd like the chance to try. I'm a practical guy. I know I need to straighten some things out about me down here. But it would be nice to have that Something Great there to encourage and help me. I know You're always there. But sometimes it's nice for us mortals to have that warmth of a physical human there beside us. You understand, I know. You made us that way. Even if that Something Great isn't a Someone Great (though, really, that's what I'm asking), I need that Something that's missing. I don't know what it is. I have ideas, of course, but You know me better than I do. What with all that omnipotence and everything.

All I can do is ask.

Your will, not mine.


Saturday, December 02, 2006

It was a Good Day.

So Chris' wedding was yesterday. And it was a whole truck load of a wide variety of awesomes. We'll start with Thursday night. Thursday was the rehearsal day. There was a whole lot of rushing and freaking by the groom, but he was getting married the next day. It's ok. But we had to pack everything up because we were going to stay over in Durham for the night. Which meant even more packing for Chris since he was going to be off to the honeymoon after the wedding. There was a minor issue with my tux, but we were able to get it resolved, no muss, no fuss. We then proceeded to check in at the Embassy Suites on Harrison Ave in Cary (OMFG!) and chill for a bit before heading off to the rehearsal. Of course, in one of several flights of intelligence by the Wagner House, the rehearsal was scheduled for 6PM. Which meant we had to fight rush hour traffic all the way to the rehearsal. So arriving a full 45 minutes late (but only minutes behind the bridal party) we start the rehearsal and we're all done in a matter of, roughly, 20 minutes. Then we all convoy out to Chris' dad's church where we have the rehearsal dinner, which was a lovely all-you-can-eat Italian affair. Chicken marsala, spaghetti, lasagna, and baked ziti chicken alfredo with breadsticks and salad with eclairs and cheesecake for desert. I ate myself stupid since all I had to eat the whole day was lunch at Red Robin around noon. And we had done a whole lot of running around all day to be eating at 8PM. There were a lot of silly and meaningful toasts made, a bonding of the two families, and an all-around good time. We go back to the hotel and chill for a few minutes then hit the 24 hour pool area. I should mention a few of the things that made me love the Embassy Suites real quick. First off, Chris' rate, thanks to the military discount was only $85 for a suite with a fold-out and two queen size beds. And the room was bloody huge. Before heading to the rehearsal we chilled out in the atrium at the entrance and heart of the hotel. The place itself is 9 stories tall. And the atrium was just awesome. Gorgeous with plush chairs and all that. But from 5:30-7:30 they had a complimentary snack bar with the option of a single complimentary drink. Awesome. I had a vodka and sprite, a nice little treat after a day of rushing like maniacs all day. Not top-shelf vodka by any means, but it was nice drink. But back to the pool. Now, for the Ren-Faire season, we stay at a place called the Country Suites. Why? Because Chris refuses to camp, I'm a creature of comforts, and the idea of trying to keep control of 9 teenagers on a campsite is just lame. This place has been very good to us over the years. Its rooms aren't quite as nice. And their pool is always too warm, the hot tob way too hot (even for me) and far too heavily chlorinated, and the whole room poorly ventilated. The Embassy, however, had a hot tub that was perfect in temperature and chlorine levels. The room was well ventilated, keeping ambient chlorine to a minimum and the pool was actually cool, as opposed to the temperature of tepid bath water. Needless to say, we were there for a while before heading to bed.

The next day we got up early and dropped down to the atrium again for the complimentary breakfast. Omelettes to order, with scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage, grits, cheese and pancakes all hot and fresh, with the usual array of oatmeal and cold cereals, milk and juices. I loves me a hot breakfast, and free is even better. After that, we go back upstairs to chill for a few more hours until Wes arrived to escort us to Crabtree mall (to pick up my tuxedo jacket) and then off to the venue. We arrived on time, much to the shock of ourselves and everyone us and proceeded to change into the monkey suits, which were very nice. Crevat and full vest, no cheesy half vests and dinky bow ties, and all in black with the white shirt and silver cufflinks. Very smashing. And then we wait. And then we came to find out that our venue had planned a wedding for the next day, and a rehearsal for the SAME TIME as the wedding. Wow. Brilliance. I'm none too impressed with the Wagner House. Goes back to the planning stages were they made us use their caterer, informed us that there would be no bringing of the alcohol, so we had to pay even more for them to get mead for us. Most of the wedding guests were rennies which meant that there were a lot of mead lovers in the crowd and we wanted it there for them. Most of the non-rennies also grew to love the fermented honey drink as well! But the rehearsal was a minor inconvenience and outside, while we were all inside. The wedding itself was actually a little delayed, but this is Lani we're talking about. It always takes her forever to get ready for anything. But I say that in the kindest way I can. She's family now and all. In a way, it was kinda comforting that she was delayed. A sense of normalcy being lent to the whole affair. And then the wedding. Lani was, of course, gorgeous. Chris got choked up during his vows. Lani got choked up during her vows. All the bride's maids were choked up the whole time. Y'know, normal wedding stuff. Lani had picked out nice black dresses for the girls to wear that they would be able to wear out somewhere else, if the evening called for a semi-formal dress. Lani can be practical sometimes. And the pastor kept the sermon fairly short, amazing for a Southern Baptist if you ask me, which was a true blessing since the shoes that came with the tux were horrrrrrrrible affronts to the very nature of foot wear. The ceremony was short and very sweet, with the both of them reciting their own vows, tears all the way. And that was the awesome part. See, we had booked the place from 4PM until 11PM. The wedding? Took maybe 20 minutes. Even given the late start that left us with over 6 hours to par-tay! The rest of the wedding photos were shot, we sat down, we ate (fabulous!), then off to the cake cutting. In the end I got promoted to Best Man pro temp, as Chris' dad wanted to sit with his wife instead of at the wedding party table. And he had also, it seemed, abdicated the Best Man's toast as well. Yay? But it was alright. I didn't have anything planned, really, but I had some heartfelt things I had to say, and I kept it short and to the point, but that's just me. The Maid(s) of Honor had wrtten things to say (more tears!) and then the cake cutting. No smashing, but there was a Lilliana moment of drawing on each other's faces with icing, which was adorable. And then! Then the dancing! Oh my, the dancing. At that point I had changed into my kilt and the short jacket. Let me sidetrack again for a moment. Originally, Chris had asked me to wear the kilt to his wedding. I was, of course, thrilled to do so, because I love breaking out the kilt. But then Lani didn't like the idea. Then she did, then she didn't again. Which, ultimately, was no big deal. So we called and had my tuxedo order changed. Only when we went to the mall on Thursday (Greensboro) to pick up the tuxes, they had left the waist-length jacket, but had given me pants. Huh. So they called and had the Crabtree store reserve a long coat like the others had to be picked up on the way to the wedding. But what that did mean is that as soon as the rest of the wedding pictures were taken, I changed out of the pants and into the kilt and kilt hose and tossed on the short jacket and looked fabulous again. So I spent the next many hours making an absolute fool of myself on the dance floor in my kilt. There was a Lady's Choice dance which I got "dragged" out for by Rayne. I danced with Chrissy during the first dance, being the lovely lady I was paired with in the wedding party. I danced a bit with Lolly, our queen from CRF and Heather, of course. Then came the tossing of the bouquet. Which was, of course, a full contact event with a tumble on the floor and a chase scene. Ashley, a long time mutual friend of everyone, caught the bouquet. And then the garter. It amazes me how many weddings I go to where the groom overestimates the elasticity of the garter. It fell short. Which I then (I'd consumed at least a full bottle's worth of mead by then) threw myself on to save the rest of the groomsmen from a fate worse then death. Did I mention the making a fool of myself all night long part? The surprise for me, though, was the rarely seen tradition of the man who catches the garter sliding it onto the leg of the lady that caught the garter. It was a very nice surprise for me, since Ashley has very nice legs. And it was very nice to be able to slide it up dangerously high on her thigh. Very nice. But then the more dancing. Ashley dragged me out on the floor a couple of times, as did Rayne and others a couple of more times during the night. That was all interspersed with general hanging out with a bunch of really awesome people I don't get to see as much as I'd like, including my brother. Pictures were taken, but not by me. I'll post the ones I can as soon as I get them. All in all, it was just a really awesome time. I haven't had that much fun in what seems like ages. And this year's renaissance festival was awesome, so that's saying a lot. I hate that some people didn't make it, but in the end, it kinda worked out.

you are so beautiful, to me