I appreciate everyone's kind words in response to my last blog. Really, I wasn't nearly as whiny blue as my post sounded. But it was stuck in my head, it was 3 in the morning and I just needed to get it out. That's what this space is for, really. Well, at least partially, anyway. Sometimes I get to feelin' like the crap and I write it out. In truth, I felt almost immediately better just getting out of my head and "on paper" so to speak. Things have returned to a more or less modicum of not too bad. I still dread going in to work everyday, and I think I've figured out the main reason. Sure, I can complain about the management, but that'll be found everywhere I work. And, admittedly, I don't have the ideal, ah, personality for retail. I'm a malcontent. It happens. But the main thing, I think, is that I'm not growing. I'm not learning. I realized this when I was explaining to one of the new guys why I left Geek Squad. I left because I wasn't learning anything. I wasn't gaining any new skill, I wasn't growing. Stagnation is bad. And that's what I'm dealing with. I'm not being challenged in any way, so it's hard to pay attention, focus on the job. It's hard to find anything to enjoy. Today wasn't as bad as some other days, though. I was able to teach some people some of the basics of some of the stuff. And it was nice to actually see the people get what I was telling them. (Maybe I should be a teacher.) I've also been pondering the idea of going back to school. Even if it was just a class or two a semester at first. The only thing is, I don't know what I want to study! I webcomic (of all things!) has stirred up the old physics bug in me. But I also want to study history, specifically European history from the Roman Empire to the 17th Century. But I'm also interested in math theory and calculus. Or maybe linguistics. Literature? Information technology, computer science, engineering. This is part of the problem of me. I learn really fast. I love learning in general. And I'm good at jsut about all things equally. Be it mathematical/logical, or verbal or artisitic. I take to languages very easily (I slept through two years of French and pulled an A 7 out of 8 quarters), I grasp complex scientific and mathematic theories and concepts with very little study, I have a knack for grammar and spelling and I've got a very strong foundation in writing prose, verse, and essay. What do I study? How can I bring any of that in to focus on anything? Is there an Everything Ever major? Do I take a physics class or two one semester, then some history and so forth, just doing "themed" semesters until the end of my days? Ack!I just don't know! Of course, it's all kinda moot until I can find something that pays a little better so I can afford to actually take the classes. And after the holidays I plan to do some serious searching. I like Best Buy. I used to like working there. Maybe I can connect with one of my superiors and see what my options are, see if I can't force something that will allow me to grow and be challenged, that will allow me to learn. We'll see. But I'm hopeful. Eeeeeever hopeful.
For now? I'm going to read Eragon and The Eldest all in a bundle. Most likely in only about 3 or 4 sittings. Being a voracious reader and all.
I command your very souls you unbelievers