Thursday, May 15, 2008

Officially 26. Or within a few minutes.

At around 3:30PM on May 15th, 1982, I was brought kicking and screaming into this world. The circumstances of my existence were then (and are now) pretty amazing. It looks like my 26th year could be even better than my 25th, and that's kinda saying a lot. Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes I've been receiving all day at work!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Request #3

From Michelle:

"Um... nudist colonies?

No, wait! The proper way to braid a horse's tail!

Or How to battle against Athlete's Foot!"

These I'll address in order and succinctly.

Nudist colonies. Well, they're not for me and my preference for clothing, but if it's your bag, I don't see anything wrong with it. Some people have no problem not being clothed and being around those also not clothed. I know that the reality of nudist colonies are a large portion of people no one really wants to see naked for the sake of seeing something naked. There's a handful of pervs and exhibitionists, but they get a too titillated by nudity to really function.

Proper braiding of a horse's tail is a little more difficult for me to answer. I'm not a horse person, so I'm not speaking from a wealth of knowledge, but it stands to reason that as long as the braid doesn't irritate or hurt the horse, I see no reason why any braid you like couldn't work.

Athlete's Foot is a fungus. Plain and simple. And the easiest way to combat Athlete's Foot is prevention. Keep your feet clean and dry as much as you can. Wear clean socks everyday. Change socks if you've gotten them very wet either through sweat or water. This will also prevent blisters and resulting infections from torn blisters. As for what do when you get an infection, the answer is similarly simple. Pay close attention to cleaning your feet and purchase one of the multitude of over-the-counter products designed for this exact malady. Personally, I've never had Athlete's Foot, and I don't do anything special to my feet. But my feet feel so much better, as do I, when left bare as long as possible, so maybe fresh air is good, too.

I still have a small list of requests to work through, but if anyone has a topic they want to suggest, just leave a comment here and I'll get to them as I can in an order of my choosing!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Request #2

So this isn't in order, but it seemed the most urgent of my spout of requests all of a sudden like.

"The appropriate method for offering sage counsel to the grieving."

This one is a little more difficult for me to answer, but maybe not for the reason you might think. I've always handled death very well. Maybe sometimes a little too well. But I do find myself comforting those in pain and loss. Simply, don't offer sage counsel. Words won't do any good right now. So just don't say anything. Physical contact, I've found, does so much more than any words one might offer. Hug someone or put your hand on their shoulder. Look them in the eye. But don't let go so soon. Hold them a few seconds longer than you otherwise might, and do so firmly, but gently. Sometimes that's all a person needs to feel comfortable enough to cry. And most grieving souls will cry; and they should. It's a natural part of the process. Just be there. Hug them. Hold them. Actions are the important part, not the words. Eoncourage the process from start to finish. And after a little while, you start to remind the grievers that the sun also rises, and this world still holds some goodness and death is not the end, nor the beginning, merely the next step.

John, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Hug your family for me.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Request #1

From callmeserenity :

{ I stole this from tforawesome's LJ

Come Summer, Is There a Real Woman in This Multiplex?

And, also, if you could explain to me how the Hulk's shoulder muscles could be so enormously bulging that they give him the appearance of a turtle sticking it's head out of it's shell? }

Well, to deal with the first question, we need to look at the Modern American Male Pleb and the Corporate Marketing Sceme(read: Scam). And the fact that it's summer.

The biggest reason you won't see much by way of starring women this summer is, simply, because it's the summer. Some time in the past someone released one or several big action blockbuster movies during the summer and they must have performed reasonably better than their other seasoned counterparts. And ever since, Action movies MUST(OMFGWTFBBQ!!!1) be released during the summer or suffer from Epic Fail. And Joe Pleb don't want no woman gettin' in the way of his 'splosions. The article makes mention of some of the Apatow movies that have come out and are coming out. Which I find headache-inducingly lame in premise and delivery, personally. But low comedy appealing to the masses, etc. I'm not what you'd call a feminist by any means, but I wouldn't mind seeing a woman kicking some tail on the big screen. The only problem is the difficulty in making that work. Too often you get the hyper-butch Xena Warrior Lesbian result which has lots of emasculated and useless men. And, as you might imagine, this doesn't appeal to your target demographic of Summer Monies, the 16-30 year old male, which finds itself with lots of free time over the summer since school is out. This isn't a highly researched observance, but in my experience, you see a lot more guys at movies than girls in the summer. This is either the cause or effect of the Summer Blockbuster phenomenon, but it's there. And these guys aren't typically going to see Bull-Dyke Strike II: More Ball Kicking. And, really, the number of female movie goers that are interested in the further adventures of Bertha McMantits are significantly smaller than the women who want nothing to do with that kind of brainless popcorn munchers.

Let me digress by saying that, first, being an action movie that requires no thought isn't, inherently, a bad thing. Second, there's a lot of smart, witty, deep, or otherwise promising action movies slated for this summer.

Women, by and large, prefer character development, plot, tears, drama, tension, sisterhood, romance, crying, thoughtful and well written conversations in their movies. Like every bad Jane Austen book or movie ever. And someone somewhere said that kind of movie MUST(OMFGWTFBBQ!!!1) come out in the wintery times of the year. Again, it's hard to say whether drama hit big in the winter because of a higher population of female movie watchers, or if the movies brought the women.

It kinda makes sense, though. In the summer, men are more likely to goof off between semesters and have time to waste sitting in a sticky seat watching shit blow up. And since it's between seasons, there's no sports on TV. Because baseball(or NASCAR) on TV is a great nap inducer. And since women know men have all this goof-off time, they are apt to find some task for the men to do in the yard/house. Men, in a remarkable show of smartness, know this, too, and go out to the longest orgasmically pyrotechnic orgy they can find to get away from their nagging girlfriends/fiancées/wives. Women are more likely to have jobs or go out with their girlfriends to the closest outdoor bar and get wasted on appletinis in miniskirts and clingy tops. Conversely, Winter is Sports Time Prime with football and basketball in full swing. And the women have GOT to get away from their stupid boyfriends/fiancés/husbands and their stupid sports for the night, but have class/work in the morning, so they can't go "clubbing/dancing" in the summer.

So in conclusion, it's because the public are saps for "subtle" marketing scams perpetrated by movie theatres. If you want strong women roles, wait until the winter. Until then, endure whatever Boomfest your guy wants to take you to. Because he'll have to bear his way through whatever Weepmonger de Jour you take him to in the Winter.

A for Hulk's shoulder muscles...well...he is, y'know, the Hulk after all. His entire premise is Big Green Angry Anthropomorphosized Muscle. Plus he totally works his delts, man.

Open Call

So I have this space here. And lots of free time at work for the moment. And often I have no idea what to write about because my day is, thankfully and unthankfully, fairly routine and unnoteworthy. So here's me calling out to all you out there who actually read my blogs. All three of you. If you've got an ideas for a topic to write about, leave a comment here and I'll put forth a honest-to-God effort into a blog about the topic. This might take a while if I don't know much about the topic. Or I might just make a willfully uninformed offering, as well. So there it is. I promise to be acerbically witty and/or informed and intelligent. Or at least make my best effort towards that goal.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Must Read

As most everyone knows (or should) Hannah and Chris are members of the NC Nat'l Guard Funeral Honors program. I've tried, rather unsuccessfully, to express my feelings on this, and my pride in both of them. Esquire featured an article that all of you out there who claim either one or both of these two as friends should read. I've seen them perform these honors, and heard them talk about them. I know, personally, the care and effort they put into the difficult and powerful tasks they perform to honor their fallen brothers and sisters in arms, and those left behind, be they World War II veterans passing in their sleep attended by generations of friends and family, soldiers who have given their lives over seas leaving behind young and distraught spouses and children, or lonely veterans hospitalized in the VA's over-stretched but dedicated hands attended by a chaplain and a handful of caretakers. The honors are the same every time. And the dedicated and respect is the same. Every time. And they perform this honor and duty almost every day. And nearly always more than once in a day. Whether it's a stranger or a dear friend they have to present that flag to.

Read the article here.