Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Request #1

From callmeserenity :

{ I stole this from tforawesome's LJ

Come Summer, Is There a Real Woman in This Multiplex?

And, also, if you could explain to me how the Hulk's shoulder muscles could be so enormously bulging that they give him the appearance of a turtle sticking it's head out of it's shell? }

Well, to deal with the first question, we need to look at the Modern American Male Pleb and the Corporate Marketing Sceme(read: Scam). And the fact that it's summer.

The biggest reason you won't see much by way of starring women this summer is, simply, because it's the summer. Some time in the past someone released one or several big action blockbuster movies during the summer and they must have performed reasonably better than their other seasoned counterparts. And ever since, Action movies MUST(OMFGWTFBBQ!!!1) be released during the summer or suffer from Epic Fail. And Joe Pleb don't want no woman gettin' in the way of his 'splosions. The article makes mention of some of the Apatow movies that have come out and are coming out. Which I find headache-inducingly lame in premise and delivery, personally. But low comedy appealing to the masses, etc. I'm not what you'd call a feminist by any means, but I wouldn't mind seeing a woman kicking some tail on the big screen. The only problem is the difficulty in making that work. Too often you get the hyper-butch Xena Warrior Lesbian result which has lots of emasculated and useless men. And, as you might imagine, this doesn't appeal to your target demographic of Summer Monies, the 16-30 year old male, which finds itself with lots of free time over the summer since school is out. This isn't a highly researched observance, but in my experience, you see a lot more guys at movies than girls in the summer. This is either the cause or effect of the Summer Blockbuster phenomenon, but it's there. And these guys aren't typically going to see Bull-Dyke Strike II: More Ball Kicking. And, really, the number of female movie goers that are interested in the further adventures of Bertha McMantits are significantly smaller than the women who want nothing to do with that kind of brainless popcorn munchers.

Let me digress by saying that, first, being an action movie that requires no thought isn't, inherently, a bad thing. Second, there's a lot of smart, witty, deep, or otherwise promising action movies slated for this summer.

Women, by and large, prefer character development, plot, tears, drama, tension, sisterhood, romance, crying, thoughtful and well written conversations in their movies. Like every bad Jane Austen book or movie ever. And someone somewhere said that kind of movie MUST(OMFGWTFBBQ!!!1) come out in the wintery times of the year. Again, it's hard to say whether drama hit big in the winter because of a higher population of female movie watchers, or if the movies brought the women.

It kinda makes sense, though. In the summer, men are more likely to goof off between semesters and have time to waste sitting in a sticky seat watching shit blow up. And since it's between seasons, there's no sports on TV. Because baseball(or NASCAR) on TV is a great nap inducer. And since women know men have all this goof-off time, they are apt to find some task for the men to do in the yard/house. Men, in a remarkable show of smartness, know this, too, and go out to the longest orgasmically pyrotechnic orgy they can find to get away from their nagging girlfriends/fiancées/wives. Women are more likely to have jobs or go out with their girlfriends to the closest outdoor bar and get wasted on appletinis in miniskirts and clingy tops. Conversely, Winter is Sports Time Prime with football and basketball in full swing. And the women have GOT to get away from their stupid boyfriends/fiancés/husbands and their stupid sports for the night, but have class/work in the morning, so they can't go "clubbing/dancing" in the summer.

So in conclusion, it's because the public are saps for "subtle" marketing scams perpetrated by movie theatres. If you want strong women roles, wait until the winter. Until then, endure whatever Boomfest your guy wants to take you to. Because he'll have to bear his way through whatever Weepmonger de Jour you take him to in the Winter.

A for Hulk's shoulder muscles...well...he is, y'know, the Hulk after all. His entire premise is Big Green Angry Anthropomorphosized Muscle. Plus he totally works his delts, man.

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