Ok, so the title is a very obscure reference to some of my earliest posts on Blogspot. But it's my blog and I'll allude if I want to.
So here's my theory, and I'll go into greater detail in a moment.
My life has a certain resonance with the number 13 and it's shunned/cursed/hated/unlucky nature and reputation. As such, looking back at my life, I have had two "cycles" in my life. One good, the latter full of turmoil and drama. Angst, poor choices, bad luck, etc.
The first 13 years of my life were, if not Rockwellian, good years. I don't remember wanting for something, much less needing anything. I was well provided, loved. I was encouraged. In general a bright, happy youth.
The summer after my 13th birthday, my parents split up. Things kinda went down hill from there. I don't blame the fates or the stars for the things I could control. If I had bad grades it was because I was lazy or refused/forgot to take my medications. If I had good grades it was because I was (and still am, some decisions notwithstanding) and interested in the subject matter. I had no control over the unpleasantness of my parents' separation and subsequent divorce. I had no control over the changes in my brain and physiology as I changed from boyhood to teenhood to manhood. I didn't have control over who found me attractive, but I did have control over my choices in relationships. I didn't make good ones sometimes. I had control over my decisions when it came to college, where I was going to go, whether or not I went to class. I didn't always decide well. I had some, but not complete control over my employment. Best Buy was mutually assured destruction. UNCG was not. I had some control over living arrangements, but didn't exercise the best judgement on when I finally bit the bullet and moved back to Salisbury. A lot of it was (and still is) issues with pride and hating to admit to anyone I need help with anything. A lot of it was stubborn inertia. I don't like ultimatums, I don't like being pushed. Keep pushing and I will push back even if I really need to go in the direction I'm being pushed. It's not smart sometimes, but it's who I am.
Anyway, I'm 26. I'll be embarking on a new 13 year cycle this May. And, by every sign, chart, and calculation, it should be an upswing. But then, it wouldn't take a lot to go into an upswing at this point.
I harbor a secret of sorts. It's embarassing, really. I don't have a valid driver's lisence. The reason is stupid. I was stupid. Too much burying my head in the sand, not enough asking for help and admitting I made a mistake. The saga goes back to 2001, and some unpaid tickets for an expired tag. Please, don't lecture me on how stupid it was. I know it was stupid. I've talked a lot about getting it fixed, and I never did anything. I did a little preliminary research, but always dropped it along the way. I get easily distracted from the things I don't want to do. Always have. But on the 20th, two Saturdays ago, I was driving home from work (again, no lecturing please) and a lady ran a red light and took the front end off the Honda I was driving. It was all but mine. I paid $650 to get it back running again right after Christmas. I had plans for that car. It was a good car. We had owned it for about 10 years, and dropped about 150,000 miles on it. I mourn her passing. But, of course, that means that the police would be involved. And that means my driving record will be involved. Which means that I am forced to do what I was already doing. I had been in contact with an attorney in the county of the original offence the week prior attempting to get a game plan in order. I was putting things in place. I was even getting on the phone and making sure UNCG sent my W-2 to the right address. And I had even purchased the Hayne's Repair Manual for that model of Honda. So of course I'd get into an accident. And even though it wasn't my fault (she ran the redlight, but with a lack of 3rd party witnesses, the accident was ruled as No Fault Found), I was still driving without a lisence. So I still got a ticket.
But yeah. I've got a court date. I've got an attorney. I've got a game plan, and W-2's and conveniently timed paychecks. My ducks are getting in their rows. And I really think I can be valid and legal and everything well before my birthday. This puts a serious curtail on paying off my debt, but this issue is decidedly the higher priority.
But I still need a dependable ride to work. Blah.
i fought the law and the law won