I figured something out today. Completely on accident. It was actually a mistake on my part. But it worked out alright in the end. Mike's Hard Lemonade, by the by, is incredibly easy to drink a lot of fast. Tale to follow.
So since I was getting off of work fairly early in the evening, and since Holly had the day free, we decided to make a little something of the night. Willow, Quizno's salads and alcohol. I had four of the blasted Mike's Hard Lemonades in about half an hour. Because they're really easy to drink. Even a man of my size will get a buzz off of 48 oz. of malted beverage at 5.2% alcohol by volume. As I was. Started to feel a tingle in my face and hands. That's when it struck me. That's how it happened so fast, so hard. My senses were on overdrive, but I was almost completely open. No defenses. But then, I never wear the armor around Holly anyway. It was pleasant evening all around, but...not what I was hoping for. My fingers would brush her shoulder, withdraw. She certainly kept me at arm's length the whole time. Just close enough without getting close again. It felt like she was afraid of loving me. Is afraid. I think I know some of the reasons why. And once the movie was over I had to wait around a bit to sober up enough to drive safely. Straight to a bar. I'm not a binge drinker, promise. I had a grand total of one more drink, a beer, Red Oak, at Plum Krazy's. After that, waters and cokes.
I really don't want to wait three more years before the next one shows up. Of course, I'd rather not have this relationship be done, either. I hate being cut off from touch. It's cold. Lonely.
i want you to want me