A lot has happened in a very short amount of time. Single's Awareness Day looms like a dark cloud, heavy with tempest and rain, on othe horizon. Oh joyous holiday. My grandfather, Jim is, again, in the hospital. This time it doesn't look like he's going to make it. A co-worker, Ken, had a heart attack earlier this week. Apparently he had a heart defect. Today, when I came to work, I was informed that he was declared brain-dead overnight and he was pulled off life support. He would have turned 21 yesterday. 21. Do you even realize howyoung that is? He was really looking forward to this weekend. Wanted to party like a fresh 21 year old should. He was really looking forward to actually being able to tend bar. He was a good kid. I'll miss having him in the department. There's a bit of a social vacuum in the house right now since Chris is gone for two weeks for training. I hate having such a small circle of friends. All it takes is three or four people otherwise engaged for an evening and my night is shot. Bleh. And to top it all off, this accursed Valentine's Day crap is stirring up old wounds. It's been 15 months since I've been with a woman I loved in any capacity. And every day I miss her presence. The late nights spent chatting online, night after night. Her sense of humor, her attitude, the way she loved me so utterly and completely. There are still moments when, in bittersweet rememberance, I am stunned into a moment of silence by the weight of just how deeply we loved each other. And like a phantom limb, there's that ache inside. Late at night, in that space between memory and dream where I can hear her voice, smell her hair, feel the weight of her pressed against me. Most days it's ok. Most days it doesn't hurt. But days like these past few, days where I would have turned to her and been comforted...
Days like these just hurt...
So maybe all I want is just a band-aid. A temporary reprieve, just something the dull the pain for a little while. I know that real treatment is what's needed, but I have no idea how long it's going to take for the real thing to come around again. My average is about three years. Right now I just wanna lose myself for a few minutes, find solice and comfort wrapped up in someone's arms for a bit. Part of me doesn't even really care who. Just someone, something warm, soft. I just need a band-aid. Maybe that band-aid turns out to be the treatment. Hell, that'd be great. But I've got realistic expectations here. I just...
need something during days like this...something simple...
just something to help me get by for a little while...
that's all...
[/end pathetic plea for attention]
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