The 11 Rules of Justin

It occurs to me that not everyone (or anyone for that matter) knows the Rules of Justin. So here ya go:

1. Justin has no cash.
a. Justin sometimes has plastic.

2. Justin is always hungry.

3. Justin shall hit Hugh in the kidneys.

4. The Fourth Rule of Justin is you do not talk about Fight Club.

5. The Fifth Rule of Justin is you do not talk about Fight Club.

6. Justin shall be underappreciated at work, school, and home.

7. Justin shall perform one Thankless Task every day.

8. Justin shall be single.
a. Justin shall have random encounters with women. Or Anglee.

9. Justin shall be entrusted with a Holy Tome (melee weapon; Holy Relic; counts as Power Weapon; grants 4+ invulnerable save) which gives him 1d6 extra attacks in close combat.

10. Justin shall have Lackeys. Which includes (but is not limited to) the Tall One, the Sensitive One, the Pyro, the Klepto, the Army Brat, the Loud-Mouthed Guy, the Starving Actor, and siblings of various ages and sizes.

11. The Car of Justin shall be unstoppable, save by anti-tank shells and rising gas prices.
a. the Eleventh Rule does not apply to anything manufactured by Honda Corporation.