All day today there's been a million things running around in my mind. I feel like my brain is about to explode and splatter on the inside of my skull. Holly came down and spent the evening,and then some. Which, all told, was great. We talked a lot, learned a lot. She's in a rough spot, though. Stress is piling up on her. It's not enough that she's stage managing a rather large show, but she's got issues with her friends. She likes her firends, but has to move out of the apartment she shares with them because they're driving her nuts. And she wants to still be friends which is why she feels she has to move out. But they've told her in no uncertain terms that while they'll work out the paperwork on the rent/lease/whatever, if she moves out, they won't be her friend any more. And that leaves me feeling bad. I'm not exactly close by. And I want nothing more than to comfort her, but I really can't.
Hate being powerless.
There seems like there's something else I need to be writing, something else that needs to come out. I think I know what it might be, but that's not something I care to put forth for public scrutiny. Or at least that might be part of it. Urrah. I need to live in Greensboro. That's all there is to it. Find decent work, move into a comfortable place. Perhaps with a certain person as a roommate. Though that'd be the shame of my family. Oh no. Co-habitation! Living in sin! Aieee!! Wouldn't be the first time I pulled a black-sheep moment, probably not the last. But this is me getting waaaaaaaaaay ahead of myself. I'm trying to keep it under control, keep the horse reigned in, but it wants to run. And I want to let it run. It's a sad state of affairs that even this mopey kind of love feels so much better than the hate and bitterness I'd grown accustomed to. It's not been but 12 hours since I last physically saw her, but I miss her still.
I'm strangely without doubt. I've only known her, what, a month? I think it's a strong possibility that I love her already. But that's not really all that surpising. When I let my guard down, I fall in love easily. And she got my guard down. Really, this whole year since June has been leading up to a lessening of the wall, an opening of the doors and such. And the Faire season did nothing but help. So many wonderful people finding themselves in my path. Or me in theirs. Chris, Lani, Michelle, Lenore, Jeff, Heather, the other Heather, Phil, Shirley, Craig, Maria, and, of course and especially, Holly. I count myself blessed to have such people in my life, making it possible for me to be happy again.
Though, way to go, Chris. Getting all sick. You're throwing off the groove and making my life slightly more complicated. Loser.