As many will attest, I've not been the most confident of persons in my life. The last six or so months have seen a bit of a change in this, coming into my own and out of the angsty, insecure years of the teen and recovering from my tour of duty in Babylon. And while I am more confident, it's all been about me, who I am, what I can do. The mind and soul, and, to an extent, physical capability, but never really about my appearance. It continues to boggle my mind that someone like Holly could love and desire me. Then I took a lookin the mirror just now. It starts to become a little clearer. The flab under my chin, I noticed, has shrunk considerably. A recent haircut, cleaning up the overal appearance of my face, my goatee coming in full now, not patchy as when I first started growing it. The rest of me is starting to slim up again. Around November I noticed I could wear 36 waist pants again, and XL shirts instead of XXL. And my new job affords me even less changes to overindulge the appetite, followed by a whole lot of walking. Though I still need to find ways to adds fruits and vegetables into my day. So yeah. I'm starting to look alright. Cheekbones appearing in the fading fat of my face. My jawline strong, square, defined. Urrah. I don't know as I'll ever leap to sports car, though. I kinda like the luxury model appeal. Of course, luxury cars often have powerful engines and fine-tuned performance. Just more plush. Less muscle, more class. I can deal with class. I was bred for class.
And speaking of the Great Babylon, the strangest thing happened the other day. It seems, to know one's shock, that she and Sam have parted ways. She claims he changed for no reason, becoming jealous and "masculine, when he's really quite feminine." Yeah. I have a feeling her six-month warranty on fidelity ran out, and she ran out with it. There'd be no rumors of infidelity if she didn't have a history of it, and if she didn't play the part. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck... But anyway. She swore to never speak to me again after I told her that the smell of her pissed me off, thus I can be courteous online, but a bastard in person. Then, lo and behold, she messages me. Oh delicious irony. Suddenly, there's not a man in her life for her to control. So she comes calling upon the Old Standby. Only the Old Standby long since left the post. The girl I fell for doesn't exist anymore. But of course, she can't understand that. If only she knew how little she knows, see, understands. Bene Gesserit tricks won't work on me. Of course, when I told her this, she thought I assumed she was coming to me for companionship of the romantic sort. Which while I did, she played it off as though she wasn't. Which was a lie, but the girl long since lost the ability to tell the truth. So I smile at her misfortune. I smile, not for the misfortune, but the justice of it. She has no one because she's driven us all away. Those of us who would have been by her for a lifetime, she drove off with her cruelty, infidelity, her lies. And here I am, at the best I've ever been. She could have been a part of that, but she couldn't stick it out. Instead, she grows fatter, meaner, more false. I become more true, more fit, more righteous. I reject you, Great Whore. I've done my tour of duty. What I have now, in it's humble and fragile beginnings is far greater than you could have ever been. Holly is everything you refused to be. Giving, patient, loving, willing to change, willing to risk, willing to try, willing to follow, beautiful, soft.
"And what have we learned?" "She smells good?" "No!" Ah, subtle scents left behind in the cloth.
Wait, what was I talking about? Ah, yes. Mocking the misfortune of the one person who deserves it. Wallow in your loneliness, rattle the bars of your self-made prison, lamenting in your ignorance of its constructor. We cut ourselves free of you long ago. You cannot now claim to be cutting ties with the past. You rejected your past, and we have rejected you in kind. You have no future. A life of low end work living with your mother. Do I now reside in my mother's basement? Yes, but this adds to the power of the Kwisatz Haderach of Geeks. But in three months time I will be living in an awesome place with real friends in the city where lives the girl I love. Three months. Three! A scant 90 days! I have crossed the valley and see the path of the future before me. The sleeper has awakened. I am the Kwisatz Haderach, you are nothing. Live your lies, Bene Gesserit witch. Wallow in your weakness and call it strength. You have no power here. Satan, get thee behind me. Your staff is broken, your Voice is gone. Not even Shai-Hulud would take your water. Return the the pits that spawned you and trouble me no more.